Week 4 Story: The Storm
Once there was a group of friends that took a trip on a boat in the Atlantic Ocean. It was off the coast of Florida near the Bermuda triangle. They had heard stories about things that happen there but wanted to check to see if any of it was true. The three friends left on a Friday morning thinking that they would be back Saturday morning.
Their names were Chad, Mike and Tom. Tom was more the leader of the group while Mike just questioned everything Tom said. Chad is usually there along for the ride and doesn't really say anything. Tom said that they should head out for about 15 miles to try and get as close to the triangle as possible, while Mike was hesitant and just kept saying how something could go wrong. Tom didn't listen to Mike and went on ahead anyways since it was his boat and he was the only one that could drive it.
Once they reached about 15 miles away from the coast everything seemed so calm and they couldn't see the mainland anymore. Tom wanted to go out even more but Mike said that there was no way he would allow him to do that while Chad was just listening. Finally after they went back and forth Chad said that we should listen to Mike and just stay here to fish. Tom reluctantly agreed but listened to Chad.
About 30 minutes into fishing the boys saw a massive thunderstorm make its way towards them. Mike started to freakout saying that they should turn around, while Tom said they could handle a little storm. The storm quickly approached and tossed the boat back in forth in the water. The guys were running around trying to tie things down so they didn't fly off but when Chad was running he slipped and go tossed off the boat. Both Tom and Mike saw this but Mike just froze and didn't know what to do. He yelled at Tom saying this was his fault but Tom was calm and decided to jump in after Chad.
About 2 minutes later Mike saw both Tom and Chad swimming back to the boat. Chad had a cut on his head from when he fell. Tom came back on the boat and told both Mike and Chad that he was sorry he didn't go back from the storm. Chad was just happy to be alive but Mike was amazed by Tom's bravery.
Homer's Odyssey
Author's Note:
The story I based my story off of was part one of Homer's Odyssey. In the Odyssey the crew get trapped by Circe who puts some of Odysseus crew under spells. Odysseus's men doubt him and tell him that he basically got them all killed, but Odysseus went to Circe by himself and freed his men. I used Odysseus's bravery to make the character of Tom and I made Mike the entire crew since they doubted him.
Their names were Chad, Mike and Tom. Tom was more the leader of the group while Mike just questioned everything Tom said. Chad is usually there along for the ride and doesn't really say anything. Tom said that they should head out for about 15 miles to try and get as close to the triangle as possible, while Mike was hesitant and just kept saying how something could go wrong. Tom didn't listen to Mike and went on ahead anyways since it was his boat and he was the only one that could drive it.
Once they reached about 15 miles away from the coast everything seemed so calm and they couldn't see the mainland anymore. Tom wanted to go out even more but Mike said that there was no way he would allow him to do that while Chad was just listening. Finally after they went back and forth Chad said that we should listen to Mike and just stay here to fish. Tom reluctantly agreed but listened to Chad.
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| Storm over the ocean, Source |
About 30 minutes into fishing the boys saw a massive thunderstorm make its way towards them. Mike started to freakout saying that they should turn around, while Tom said they could handle a little storm. The storm quickly approached and tossed the boat back in forth in the water. The guys were running around trying to tie things down so they didn't fly off but when Chad was running he slipped and go tossed off the boat. Both Tom and Mike saw this but Mike just froze and didn't know what to do. He yelled at Tom saying this was his fault but Tom was calm and decided to jump in after Chad.
About 2 minutes later Mike saw both Tom and Chad swimming back to the boat. Chad had a cut on his head from when he fell. Tom came back on the boat and told both Mike and Chad that he was sorry he didn't go back from the storm. Chad was just happy to be alive but Mike was amazed by Tom's bravery.
Homer's Odyssey
Author's Note:
The story I based my story off of was part one of Homer's Odyssey. In the Odyssey the crew get trapped by Circe who puts some of Odysseus crew under spells. Odysseus's men doubt him and tell him that he basically got them all killed, but Odysseus went to Circe by himself and freed his men. I used Odysseus's bravery to make the character of Tom and I made Mike the entire crew since they doubted him.
Hi Mohammad,
ReplyDeleteWow, I really like the way you related your story of Odysseus to the Bermuda Triangle in the current world. I had actually not even considered making that sort of connection, but it does make sense. Strange things happened in the Odyssey, strange things happen in the Bermuda Triangle, nice! After reading your author's note, it is easier to understand what you were trying to convey in the story, but initially I was confused about where it was going. Part of it might've been due to the locations mentioned in the story (I was trying to relate Florida to a place in the story but I may have just been overthinking things!) I think next time if you make the events a little more defined it might make for an easier read without having to go through and look at the author's note. Overall though, I liked your story and the way you related it to the modern world!
Hey Mohammad!
ReplyDeleteI liked the premise of this story and the characters you created to represent the different characters in the Odyssey. I thought that your paragraph describing the three boys’ dynamic was a good idea and gave them some depth of character. Have you considered writing dialogue? I think that this story, especially because of the scary scenario and clearly tense feelings that some dialogue between your characters could add some liveliness to the story.
-Cat
Hi Mohammad!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed the simple but true nature of the story as compared to Homer's Odyssey. Typically, I would think it is hard to transform such a complicated tale into a great representation of its true theme. Overall, you did an impressive job of communicating a brief background reference of the characters and how it played into the plot. Nice work! The only comment I can think to add is perhaps a tad more detail!
Hey Mohammad!
ReplyDeleteI think this is an excellent rendition of this story set in a more modern time. Homer's Odyssey feels quite archaic at times so I really appreciate the way you translated a lot of the aspects of the story into a modern era. There were a couple times when I felt like I had to focus a little bit to really follow along with the dialogue between some characters. The switching between different points of view in the same paragraph or next sentence was a bit tricky for me. I was wondering if this story might greatly benefit from some real dialogue between all of the guys. Like if each character was voiced individually instead of having it in the form of a narration I think the story would flow much better and get rid of any confusion people may be having. Also by giving each character a dialogue it may open up the door for you to lengthen the story by giving the reader some kind of idea of the character traits that belong with each of the guys.
Hi Mohammad! I also read this story and based my story off of Homer’s Odyssey, so we definitely share that in common. I like the new twist on how the friends all get stuck in the storm and then they are able to make it through. If you were to add anything to the story, I would have loved to read more about their time during the storm. For example, maybe have them describe the storm from their perspective more, but it was really great! Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDelete